The Ingenious Patriot


  HAVING obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot pulled 
a paper from his pocket, saying:

  "May it please your Majesty, I have here a formula for constructing 
armour-plating which no gun can pierce.  If these plates are 
adopted in the Royal Navy our warships will be invulnerable, and 
therefore invincible.  Here, also, are reports of your Majesty's 
Ministers, attesting the value of the invention.  I will part with 
my right in it for a million tumtums."

  After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him 
an order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for 
a million tumtums.

  "And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from 
another pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have 
invented, which will pierce that armour.  Your Majesty's Royal 
Brother, the Emperor of Bang, is anxious to purchase it, but 
loyalty to your Majesty's throne and person constrains me to offer 
it first to your Majesty.  The price is one million tumtums."

  Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand 
into still another pocket, remarking:

  "The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater, 
your Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so 
effectively averted by my peculiar method of treating the armour 
plates with a new- "

  The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.

  "Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."

  "Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the 
scrutiny.

  "May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in 
terror, "one of them contains tobacco."

  "Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then 
give him a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to 
death.  Let a decree issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence."